Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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