Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
