chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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