he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
