i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
