sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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