i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
God, you're like boner-b-gone
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize