But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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