i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
