i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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