standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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