she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
She is in my trunk
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
