we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
