i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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