My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
