can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
