I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
