I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
