Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
