8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I need to align my fucking chakras
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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