Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
