I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I need to align my fucking chakras
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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