Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
