i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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