epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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