dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
