If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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