there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize