I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
