i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
