I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
