You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
