also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
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