threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
