I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I think my fart just growled at me.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
