Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
