3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Randomize
