I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Do you remember whose house we're in?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize