Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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