Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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