He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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