Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
