how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
