i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
