theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
