he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
