so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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