her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
