I wanna bring you to show and tell
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize