I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize