My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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