I think I died a long time ago.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
