my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize