she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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