My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize