she looked like the before picture.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
