First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
