i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
